I now remember that day… I was probably 16 and had irregular periods. My mum took me to see a gynaecologist and she said: “You have Polycystic ovaries and one day you will probably have troubles getting pregnant”. With my 16 years old mind I thought what is she talking about? Kids? I laughed it off and got on with my life.
You have Polycystic ovaries and one day you will probably have troubles getting pregnant
I met my husband in 2013. We got engaged two years later and started trying for a baby straight away. I was 27 years old. In April 2016, I got a faint line on a pregnancy test and I thought things worked out quite quick. But two days later, I started spotting and got my period, so it was over before it even started. I did not think about is as much and just carried on with the wedding planning. We got married in October, and had an amazing honeymoon. I hoped that this will be the time to conceive a baby—I do watch too many movies— and of course, this did not happen.
It was 17th of December the same year. I was at work and was cooking a Sunday roast for the people I look after. Suddenly, I felt dizzy. On the way home I popped into Tesco to get a pregnancy test. I did not think that I might be pregnant as I had my period earlier that month. To my surprise it was positive. I did a few more tests over the coming days and they stayed positive. I wrapped a little new-born outfit with the pregnancy test in Christmas paper and called my husband to urgently come home. He was over the moon, I had to catch him because he almost fainted.
Happiness did not last long. A few days later I had terrible cramps and started bleeding again. On Christmas Eve I ended up in A&E with severe cramps and bleeding. My HCG was 36. The doctors told me “You’re pregnant, but are not sure if you will stay pregnant. For two weeks I was in and out of the local Early Pregnancy Assessment Clinic (EPAC). My HCG was checked every other day. It went up but never doubled. I was bleeding, got haemorrhoids as well and did not feel like celebrating Christmas or New Year. I really felt broken. It was the second week of January when they confirmed my pregnancy was not developing.
It was the second week of January when they confirmed my pregnancy was not developing.
I tried to pick myself up quickly but then the baby fever around started. My best friend got pregnant on her first month trying, my closest colleague got pregnant twice and had abortion both times, all my school friends were pregnant, my husband’s relatives were having baby after a baby… I was always next to everyone helping them through their pregnancies, buying baby clothes, organising baby showers, I even supported a friend in the hospital when she gave birth. In front everyone else I was the happy Rosie… Rosie was never sad, Rosie was always smiling, Rosie was always helping. I bought a baby cot, a buggy, first bicycle, first adidas baby trainers and none of it was for me. Deep inside I was in so much pain and I felt so incomplete but I had no choice but to carry on. I could see my friends faces they were probably all thinking poor Rosie, why she doesn’t have a baby yet. I kept it cool, smiling and telling everyone, “Whenever is the right time the baby will come”.
I tried to pick myself up quickly but then the baby fever around started.
I was doing everything I could. I was tracking ovulation, taking supplements, used anything you can think of that is advertised to support conception, but it just was not working.
This story continues in part 2.
Authors
Rositsa is 32 years old and lives in Worthing, West Sussex with her husband and dog. She works as a care home manager in a residential care home.
Originally from Bulgaria, she moved to the UK in 2012 and has been living here ever since.
She believes in trying to stay positive despite her fertility problems and the pandemic and hopes life will soon get better.
